Losing Control

Is / Was

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October 30, 2003 - 9:19 a.m. -

Tell this man you love him or he will eventually cough up a lung

The perfume I put on this morning is turning me on.

Mr.Sta told me the other night that he would quit smoking if I told him I loved him. I lowered my opinion of him for that remark. I would like him to quit just because I have to wash the sheets whenever he is over because they stink but that's just a little too much pressure for me to handle right now. Tell this man you love him or he will eventually cough up a lung.
Nope.

MissyB called last night and asked if I was mad at her about the Ken Doll. As the song goes,

However, he hasn't called her or anything but if they did get together and they break up, which is inevitable, I wouldn't mind adding him to the rotation of ex's currently servicing me now. I like ex's. You don't have to be all nice and shit to them. Speaking of exs the Good Dan is in town trying to get his new house done before the snow flys but he said his girlfriend is coming in today(Thursday) so he can't meet me and the Troll for drinks. No matter. Scary Dan wasn't quite filled up by the chicken I cooked for him last night so I made nachos for him also. I can't have nachos in front of me without eating them as well but I didn't eat the whole plate as Dan was guarding it. I was always really fat when we were dating (23 to 30) because all he does,we did, was eat. 300+ hardly any teeth, stinky, no legal job, no money, an overall ass now - he is no longer do-able. Apparently I'm still hanging in the do-able area.
Barely. At least I know I don't stink.

I'm feeling rather sane today. Boring. How do you people, who are not insane, do it? Maybe my mind is just tricking me into thinking I'm sane. It's tricked me before.

During lunch I went to the bank and got money out to flush down the toilet in Vegas. All my bills are paid so I can afford to flush $500 if I am willing to eat hotdogs and top ramon for the rest of the month. I'm willing.

When I went to park back at work, I almost hit the car on my right side. I was going really slow and I could see my car getting closer and thinking to myself, "if I go forward anymore I'm going to hit that other car". Luckily for me my foot happened to be listening in on the conversation going on in my head. I think I've shaken off the sanity thing for today.

People keep locking up their diaries. Perceptionss I hope he is ok. I may lock mine up sometime. Life gets overwhelming at times and I run a little paranoid. If I ever lock it up you can email me and get the passwords as long as I know who you are or join my notify list.

We are assuming that I am not institutionalized at the time as there is no internet access there.

My sister Jen sent me this:

Children's books that never made it

She is a much nicer person than I am. Well she SEEMS to be a nicer person normally.

Jeanie sent me these terrific Halloween costumes:

The guy who upgraded my pc last week was over with some guys from System Administration. They want me to design them a html navagational system like I have on my desktop because it is the coolest. I may not get to play as much if I get the job but a least I wouldn't have to be answering the phone all damm day long.

How brilliant is it to have me first point of contact? If I got into doing web stuff here at work as opposed to hacking on my own it would make me much more marketable. Yes that is what I am going to start focusing on. Being more marketable. I would just like to write Anal reports and work on web stuff. There is a lot to learn. I need to learn XML. I took a class though work a couple years ago but their classes suck and I have no access to apply it so all that learning went by the wayside. I'll figure it out. That's what I am good at. Figuring things out.
I sent them a sample navigational site:
the boys reply:

Thanks. Looks great. We all like your work.
Thanks. A compliment from you is like 10 compliments from anyone else.

I can suck ass with the best of them all right

Have you noitced how yappy I've been since I've returned from the relatives? Yap, Yap, Yap. I'll try to shake it off. No guarantees.

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October 30, 2003
Tell this man you love him or he will eventually cough up a lung
The perfume I put on this morning is turning me on.

Mr.Sta told me the other night that he would quit smoking if I told him I loved him. I lowered my opinion of him for that remark. I would like him to quit just because I have to wash the sheets whenever he is over because they stink but that's just a little too much pressure for me to handle right now. Tell this man you love him or he will eventually cough up a lung.
Nope.

MissyB called last night and asked if I was mad at her about the Ken Doll. As the song goes,

However, he hasn't called her or anything but if they did get together and they break up, which is inevitable, I wouldn't mind adding him to the rotation of ex's currently servicing me now. I like ex's. You don't have to be all nice and shit to them. Speaking of exs the Good Dan is in town trying to get his new house done before the snow flys but he said his girlfriend is coming in today(Thursday) so he can't meet me and the Troll for drinks. No matter. Scary Dan wasn't quite filled up by the chicken I cooked for him last night so I made nachos for him also. I can't have nachos in front of me without eating them as well but I didn't eat the whole plate as Dan was guarding it. I was always really fat when we were dating (23 to 30) because all he does,we did, was eat. 300+ hardly any teeth, stinky, no legal job, no money, an overall ass now - he is no longer do-able. Apparently I'm still hanging in the do-able area.
Barely. At least I know I don't stink.

I'm feeling rather sane today. Boring. How do you people, who are not insane, do it? Maybe my mind is just tricking me into thinking I'm sane. It's tricked me before.

During lunch I went to the bank and got money out to flush down the toilet in Vegas. All my bills are paid so I can afford to flush $500 if I am willing to eat hotdogs and top ramon for the rest of the month. I'm willing.

When I went to park back at work, I almost hit the car on my right side. I was going really slow and I could see my car getting closer and thinking to myself, "if I go forward anymore I'm going to hit that other car". Luckily for me my foot happened to be listening in on the conversation going on in my head. I think I've shaken off the sanity thing for today.

People keep locking up their diaries. Perceptionss I hope he is ok. I may lock mine up sometime. Life gets overwhelming at times and I run a little paranoid. If I ever lock it up you can email me and get the passwords as long as I know who you are or join my notify list.

We are assuming that I am not institutionalized at the time as there is no internet access there.

My sister Jen sent me this:

Children's books that never made it

She is a much nicer person than I am. Well she SEEMS to be a nicer person normally.

Jeanie sent me these terrific Halloween costumes:

The guy who upgraded my pc last week was over with some guys from System Administration. They want me to design them a html navagational system like I have on my desktop because it is the coolest. I may not get to play as much if I get the job but a least I wouldn't have to be answering the phone all damm day long.

How brilliant is it to have me first point of contact? If I got into doing web stuff here at work as opposed to hacking on my own it would make me much more marketable. Yes that is what I am going to start focusing on. Being more marketable. I would just like to write Anal reports and work on web stuff. There is a lot to learn. I need to learn XML. I took a class though work a couple years ago but their classes suck and I have no access to apply it so all that learning went by the wayside. I'll figure it out. That's what I am good at. Figuring things out.
I sent them a sample navigational site:
the boys reply:

Thanks. Looks great. We all like your work.
Thanks. A compliment from you is like 10 compliments from anyone else.

I can suck ass with the best of them all right

Have you noitced how yappy I've been since I've returned from the relatives? Yap, Yap, Yap. I'll try to shake it off. No guarantees.