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The Cast

Who the Hell is:

TheGeneral

Met him Friday 11/28/2003 when I was out with The Good Dan, Macki, Bev, Jeff, & Missyb. He took Bev home but the other boys showed up at her house and he left. He is a general contractor as you know how I feel about men with "Man Skills". I think I will be cutting him slack for the Bev thing. I can't remember what he looks like right now but I remember telling him that he was cute. I may have been drunk at the time.

Anatomically Correct Ken

Met him when I was out with Linda and the Good Dan on 5/16/2003. I'm keeping this one. Only flaw so far is that he likes sports. Correction...maybe not. 2nd flaw Passive/Aggressive ~tendencies...sex has been good enough to overlook the flaws to date.
44 Days I've had enough. Next
wait a minute... I am so weak... demoted him to fuck buddy until I spot my next "Soulmate". 100 days...next Soulmate spotted. Correction...next soulmate is an ass back to Ken. Stick a fork in it....pulled the fork out...12/14/03 fork back in...12/30/03 fork out ~ penis in
    I am so weak

Mr.Next

Gorgeous eyes. Lust at first site. Has man skills he says "I am that good" a lot. He's moving in. So far so good but I've been on my best behavior. How long can that last?
THE ANSWER IS: 7 DAYS he's moving out.
He was not "that good"

Mr.Next2

Same as Mr.Next above, only with a job. So far so good and I've been on my worst behavior. How long can that last?
THE ANSWER IS: 6 DAYS
Apparently I am one MEAN BITCH who is destined to die alone.
    I HATE MEN, HATE 'UM I SAY

Good Dan

wonderful man. Platonic friend now. Handsome, polite, charming, does man things, my Mr. Right. Known him since 1995

Scary Dan

deranged Vietnam vet, very alternative thinker, not normal, scary, been friends over 20 years, no longer doable, does man stuff for me when I don't have one around, once put plastic explosives in a microwave to see if they were thermally stable,
More..

Dumbass

met him October 2002, good looking, stupid, decent in bed, alcoholic, likes to party, fun to be around until he gets too drunk. Recently cast into the Non-doable pile...after Vegas or I just may keep him around to play with. My Dumbass Doll... Nope. I think I be sticking a fork in the Dumbass Doll.

Internet Guy

answered my Crack Whore Ad on Yahoo, very nice, is separated, handsome, very doable except I am waiting until he at least files for divorce, is a counselor, talks to me on the phone a lot. Cast him aside when I was under the misguided impression that I was in love with the Ken Doll. My bad.

NewGuy

not Mr. Right, he's Mr. Right Now., tolerable, just starting seeing him, correction barely tolerable, correction history.

MissIBM ~ Jeanie

pretty, fun to go out with , way smarter than me,techi, 2 kids, works a lot harder than I do

Miss KC

Drinking bud. We go dancing and hunting together.

Malibu ~ Jennifer

sister, best friend, we share the same birthday - same day-different year, smart, drop dead gorgeous,wonderful, did every thing right, love her, married The Greek God, he came with 4 really good kids

Wink ~Wendy

sister, lives too far away, beautiful , good mom, generous, 2 kids, love her

Taz ~Diana

sister, nasty- in a Mae West way, funnier then hell, has nice young boyfriend now,2 kids, love her. I can't be around her without laughing my head off.

Murtle ~Nancy

sister, good mom, mother of my favorite niece Mandy, beautiful person,3 kids

Bitch Sister Shelley

Bitch

MetroGirl ~ Darla

ballerina, very pretty, fun to go out, has a cool boyfriend, has a tongue ring, has black hair with maroon highlights, very cool.

Mom

love her. Had a hard life.slightly Insane

Great Uncle Darrell

Hog hauler. Cantankerous old goat. He told me when I was 21 years old, "There is not a man stupid enough on the planet to marry you." No longer among the living.

Mom at Work

Drives me crazy. Had a hard life like my mom has. Very nice woman.

Todd

techie, I transfer all the calls I get from people who piss me off or I dont know the answer to him. We work well together. He always brings cookies and brownies his wife makes, Yum Yum, Hell I would marry her.

Nice Truck Guy

hounddog from work, Nice truck, platonic

The Other Janet

Ken's ex-girlfriend. Very pretty & fun to be around.

JohnHo

platonic male friend,dance partner, kissyface/pressybody stuff but that's about it, good looking, right brained

Hillbilly

nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is. Married. Says "yu eyeballs is purdy"

Frank

nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is. likes to dance, always smiles

Buford

nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is. always gives me a hug and a slap on the ass if his wife isn't there

Preacher Guy

Nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is Married. Talks about God a lot. Says "you tempt me".

Hummerguy ~ Sugar Daddy

Owner of the bar where my Weenie Wagon is. Single, doable, has the lake party place, has 5 count'um 5 Corvettes. He was one of the men who played "FETCH" for me.

Tonya

works for me on the Weene Wagon. hard worker but she is really poor, can eat 4 elephant ears and still not break 100 pounds, I think she may have worms. We drink on the job when it is slow. I am a great boss.

Mr. Clean

last roommate from newspaper ad(not boyfriend). looked like Mr. Clean would cook and clean for me, I called him my House Bitch. liar, user of women Manwhore. owes me money. He recorded himself masturbating on my pc at home. Good for a laugh. I will cut it down and post it on the web for your enjoyment sometime.

The Troll

platonic male friend, very smart, sings karaoke really well, fun to be around.

The Greek God

my sister Jennifer's husband, drop dead gorgeous. I told him he should be the next Joe Millionaire but the surprise at the end would be that he is married with 4 children

WAD

Brenda's husband, techie, I should quit calling him "Whiney Ass Dan" as we are friends now.

Brenda

Whiney Ass Dan's wife, has really red hair, petite, very pretty

Linda

My across the street neighbor. We went to lots of concerts together after the Good Dan kicked me off the farm. She use to be a stripper. All the male roommates use to ogle her. I am trying to find her a man.

Missyb

pretty blond, a special friend who is hesitant on being special friends.

Jonaet

very pretty brunette, special friend with non-doable boyfriend.

Elvin

big beautiful black neighbor that just moved in 3 houses down. I crack him up.

Oscar&Ruth

my across the ally retired neighbors. I visit with them and drink coffee. Ruth always has cookies.

Ray

Carney folk. Old Indian guy that sells crap...baloons,silly string,beads crap. He's a talker. Lots of opinions.

Mr. Thorough

Dated for a year, the best ever, we are still friends but he shuns my sexual advances, although I feel him weakening. I have faith that he will eventually succumb as I can be mighty persistent in my endevors...Its nice to Share

Caleb

platonic friend, techie, encourages me to kiss other women, very young and studly. We get along.

Mr.Sta-ndmeupyetagain

friend for long time, bartender at bar Jen & I went to during our "fuck men" days so he knows how I am. He is kind of a loner but I like him. fuck buddy for now.
correction platonic friend.
correction ass
correction special friend
correction ass
correction, my bad special friend
correction platonic friend I mean it this time....we'll see
I've had ENOUGH... Maybe...

Asswipe Mark

loser, alcoholic, lived with me until he yelled at Jen to clean up the house, owes me money, user of women. Ran out of supplies once and sent him to the store, my 12 year old niece says four hours later, "we are out of pop, where is Mark? He is pretty irresponsible." yup. I can sure pickum. I don't have any power tools anymore as Asswipe had taken all of them to a pawn shop to support his "cigarette and beer" habit becase he was alergic to actual work. Ran into him a couple of months ago gambling at a 21 table. He calls me the next day and want to pay me $10000 to make a "porn" web site for him. I say "tell you what. Why don't you pay me the $5000 you owe me first and then we will discuss the web site". Haven't heard from him since. loser. Even the slightest memorance of him pisses me off.

Steve the Weirdo

Dated him when I was 19 - 23, we had an open relationship, he was a weirdo
More..

Mr. (Jack) Meoff

lived with him for 6 months, Sargent Major in the marines, lots of good sex. Was jealous of Scary Dan for no reason. He told me I would never recover financially after he was done with me. Maybe it is something in my vagina that turns men into assholes after they dip their stick in it. I recovered financially. Hit the road Jack.

My Lawyer

Known since I was 19. Old drinking bud. We worked together for several years at the horse race track. He is 4 years older then I and a hottie. He loved working with my
Grandpa. He is also Scary Dans, Jeanie, and my sister Nancy's lawyer.

What the Hell is

Crap~O~Rama

I don't buy Christmas gifts. What I do is gather all the crap around my house, gifts that I received that are crap, leftover roommate crap, broken phones, then we play trivia to see who gets what crap. The kids have a blast, and it costs me practically nothing. One of the boys said last year "thank you Aunt Janet for all the crap", and the year before he was so excited he said "I'm going to try to win as much crap as I possibly can". Yup, the kiddies love me but I'm not too into children .. just can't understand them and they look at me weird when I tell them to enunciate better

Weene Wagon

8 by 14 foot concession trailer that I run in the summer. Has cotton candy, popcorn, sno-cones, hotdogs, keeps me out of trouble and gives me walking around cash. Picture

Where the Hell is

Hell

The farm where the Good Dan lives. Spent 5 years there. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't gone 90% of the time. Very lonely in Hell. Would have never moved out there if I would have known he was going to weasel out of marring me.

The Ranking system
Of Lovers, Losers & Users

Top 10

Mr. Thorough the man was a machine
Ken Dollanatomically correct,marathon man
Mr. Sta friend, bowling buddy
Scary Dan the younger years, nasty stuff
Steve the Weirdo I was so naive,open relationship
Mr. Meoff he did the marines proud
Worthless play toy
Swindler entertaining,drop dead gorgeous,user
Rotten Randy size does matter
Dumbass chemistry thing, entertaining,loser,recently re-ranked

Middle


Good Dan hung like a horse but lost points due to being infrequent
Costa Rica guy
Mr K.
Mr K's brother-in-Law
2 biker guys
Asswipe Mark
Mr.Next
Newguy
The Weasel (Mark Harman look alike)
Countless un-named others
the 80's were pretty much a blur

Bottom 10


9 other guys who were unmemorable,
yet not as bad as Mr. Porsche

Mr. Porsche -goodlooking millionaire,wet noodle

The Hammer Story

The Lost Decade:
Jen & I had a NewYears Eve party. One of her friends brought this really drunk guy over who started fights and broke my kitchen window. I say "Get the hell out of my house" and he hits me. You don't hit a drunk crazy woman. I hit him with a hammer, shovel and a firepoker. Mr.Sta took the hammer away and showed him the door. He was my hero that night. Jennifer had to step over us later that night on the living room floor. I was known as the hammer lady for years after.

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The Cast

Who the Hell is:

TheGeneral

Met him Friday 11/28/2003 when I was out with The Good Dan, Macki, Bev, Jeff, & Missyb. He took Bev home but the other boys showed up at her house and he left. He is a general contractor as you know how I feel about men with "Man Skills". I think I will be cutting him slack for the Bev thing. I can't remember what he looks like right now but I remember telling him that he was cute. I may have been drunk at the time.

Anatomically Correct Ken

Met him when I was out with Linda and the Good Dan on 5/16/2003. I'm keeping this one. Only flaw so far is that he likes sports. Correction...maybe not. 2nd flaw Passive/Aggressive ~tendencies...sex has been good enough to overlook the flaws to date.
44 Days I've had enough. Next
wait a minute... I am so weak... demoted him to fuck buddy until I spot my next "Soulmate". 100 days...next Soulmate spotted. Correction...next soulmate is an ass back to Ken. Stick a fork in it....pulled the fork out...12/14/03 fork back in...12/30/03 fork out ~ penis in
    I am so weak

Mr.Next

Gorgeous eyes. Lust at first site. Has man skills he says "I am that good" a lot. He's moving in. So far so good but I've been on my best behavior. How long can that last?
THE ANSWER IS: 7 DAYS he's moving out.
He was not "that good"

Mr.Next2

Same as Mr.Next above, only with a job. So far so good and I've been on my worst behavior. How long can that last?
THE ANSWER IS: 6 DAYS
Apparently I am one MEAN BITCH who is destined to die alone.
    I HATE MEN, HATE 'UM I SAY

Good Dan

wonderful man. Platonic friend now. Handsome, polite, charming, does man things, my Mr. Right. Known him since 1995

Scary Dan

deranged Vietnam vet, very alternative thinker, not normal, scary, been friends over 20 years, no longer doable, does man stuff for me when I don't have one around, once put plastic explosives in a microwave to see if they were thermally stable,
More..

Dumbass

met him October 2002, good looking, stupid, decent in bed, alcoholic, likes to party, fun to be around until he gets too drunk. Recently cast into the Non-doable pile...after Vegas or I just may keep him around to play with. My Dumbass Doll... Nope. I think I be sticking a fork in the Dumbass Doll.

Internet Guy

answered my Crack Whore Ad on Yahoo, very nice, is separated, handsome, very doable except I am waiting until he at least files for divorce, is a counselor, talks to me on the phone a lot. Cast him aside when I was under the misguided impression that I was in love with the Ken Doll. My bad.

NewGuy

not Mr. Right, he's Mr. Right Now., tolerable, just starting seeing him, correction barely tolerable, correction history.

MissIBM ~ Jeanie

pretty, fun to go out with , way smarter than me,techi, 2 kids, works a lot harder than I do

Miss KC

Drinking bud. We go dancing and hunting together.

Malibu ~ Jennifer

sister, best friend, we share the same birthday - same day-different year, smart, drop dead gorgeous,wonderful, did every thing right, love her, married The Greek God, he came with 4 really good kids

Wink ~Wendy

sister, lives too far away, beautiful , good mom, generous, 2 kids, love her

Taz ~Diana

sister, nasty- in a Mae West way, funnier then hell, has nice young boyfriend now,2 kids, love her. I can't be around her without laughing my head off.

Murtle ~Nancy

sister, good mom, mother of my favorite niece Mandy, beautiful person,3 kids

Bitch Sister Shelley

Bitch

MetroGirl ~ Darla

ballerina, very pretty, fun to go out, has a cool boyfriend, has a tongue ring, has black hair with maroon highlights, very cool.

Mom

love her. Had a hard life.slightly Insane

Great Uncle Darrell

Hog hauler. Cantankerous old goat. He told me when I was 21 years old, "There is not a man stupid enough on the planet to marry you." No longer among the living.

Mom at Work

Drives me crazy. Had a hard life like my mom has. Very nice woman.

Todd

techie, I transfer all the calls I get from people who piss me off or I dont know the answer to him. We work well together. He always brings cookies and brownies his wife makes, Yum Yum, Hell I would marry her.

Nice Truck Guy

hounddog from work, Nice truck, platonic

The Other Janet

Ken's ex-girlfriend. Very pretty & fun to be around.

JohnHo

platonic male friend,dance partner, kissyface/pressybody stuff but that's about it, good looking, right brained

Hillbilly

nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is. Married. Says "yu eyeballs is purdy"

Frank

nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is. likes to dance, always smiles

Buford

nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is. always gives me a hug and a slap on the ass if his wife isn't there

Preacher Guy

Nice guy at bar where my Weenie Wagon is Married. Talks about God a lot. Says "you tempt me".

Hummerguy ~ Sugar Daddy

Owner of the bar where my Weenie Wagon is. Single, doable, has the lake party place, has 5 count'um 5 Corvettes. He was one of the men who played "FETCH" for me.

Tonya

works for me on the Weene Wagon. hard worker but she is really poor, can eat 4 elephant ears and still not break 100 pounds, I think she may have worms. We drink on the job when it is slow. I am a great boss.

Mr. Clean

last roommate from newspaper ad(not boyfriend). looked like Mr. Clean would cook and clean for me, I called him my House Bitch. liar, user of women Manwhore. owes me money. He recorded himself masturbating on my pc at home. Good for a laugh. I will cut it down and post it on the web for your enjoyment sometime.

The Troll

platonic male friend, very smart, sings karaoke really well, fun to be around.

The Greek God

my sister Jennifer's husband, drop dead gorgeous. I told him he should be the next Joe Millionaire but the surprise at the end would be that he is married with 4 children

WAD

Brenda's husband, techie, I should quit calling him "Whiney Ass Dan" as we are friends now.

Brenda

Whiney Ass Dan's wife, has really red hair, petite, very pretty

Linda

My across the street neighbor. We went to lots of concerts together after the Good Dan kicked me off the farm. She use to be a stripper. All the male roommates use to ogle her. I am trying to find her a man.

Missyb

pretty blond, a special friend who is hesitant on being special friends.

Jonaet

very pretty brunette, special friend with non-doable boyfriend.

Elvin

big beautiful black neighbor that just moved in 3 houses down. I crack him up.

Oscar&Ruth

my across the ally retired neighbors. I visit with them and drink coffee. Ruth always has cookies.

Ray

Carney folk. Old Indian guy that sells crap...baloons,silly string,beads crap. He's a talker. Lots of opinions.

Mr. Thorough

Dated for a year, the best ever, we are still friends but he shuns my sexual advances, although I feel him weakening. I have faith that he will eventually succumb as I can be mighty persistent in my endevors...Its nice to Share

Caleb

platonic friend, techie, encourages me to kiss other women, very young and studly. We get along.

Mr.Sta-ndmeupyetagain

friend for long time, bartender at bar Jen & I went to during our "fuck men" days so he knows how I am. He is kind of a loner but I like him. fuck buddy for now.
correction platonic friend.
correction ass
correction special friend
correction ass
correction, my bad special friend
correction platonic friend I mean it this time....we'll see
I've had ENOUGH... Maybe...

Asswipe Mark

loser, alcoholic, lived with me until he yelled at Jen to clean up the house, owes me money, user of women. Ran out of supplies once and sent him to the store, my 12 year old niece says four hours later, "we are out of pop, where is Mark? He is pretty irresponsible." yup. I can sure pickum. I don't have any power tools anymore as Asswipe had taken all of them to a pawn shop to support his "cigarette and beer" habit becase he was alergic to actual work. Ran into him a couple of months ago gambling at a 21 table. He calls me the next day and want to pay me $10000 to make a "porn" web site for him. I say "tell you what. Why don't you pay me the $5000 you owe me first and then we will discuss the web site". Haven't heard from him since. loser. Even the slightest memorance of him pisses me off.

Steve the Weirdo

Dated him when I was 19 - 23, we had an open relationship, he was a weirdo
More..

Mr. (Jack) Meoff

lived with him for 6 months, Sargent Major in the marines, lots of good sex. Was jealous of Scary Dan for no reason. He told me I would never recover financially after he was done with me. Maybe it is something in my vagina that turns men into assholes after they dip their stick in it. I recovered financially. Hit the road Jack.

My Lawyer

Known since I was 19. Old drinking bud. We worked together for several years at the horse race track. He is 4 years older then I and a hottie. He loved working with my
Grandpa. He is also Scary Dans, Jeanie, and my sister Nancy's lawyer.

What the Hell is

Crap~O~Rama

I don't buy Christmas gifts. What I do is gather all the crap around my house, gifts that I received that are crap, leftover roommate crap, broken phones, then we play trivia to see who gets what crap. The kids have a blast, and it costs me practically nothing. One of the boys said last year "thank you Aunt Janet for all the crap", and the year before he was so excited he said "I'm going to try to win as much crap as I possibly can". Yup, the kiddies love me but I'm not too into children .. just can't understand them and they look at me weird when I tell them to enunciate better

Weene Wagon

8 by 14 foot concession trailer that I run in the summer. Has cotton candy, popcorn, sno-cones, hotdogs, keeps me out of trouble and gives me walking around cash. Picture

Where the Hell is

Hell

The farm where the Good Dan lives. Spent 5 years there. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't gone 90% of the time. Very lonely in Hell. Would have never moved out there if I would have known he was going to weasel out of marring me.

The Ranking system
Of Lovers, Losers & Users

Top 10

Mr. Thorough the man was a machine
Ken Dollanatomically correct,marathon man
Mr. Sta friend, bowling buddy
Scary Dan the younger years, nasty stuff
Steve the Weirdo I was so naive,open relationship
Mr. Meoff he did the marines proud
Worthless play toy
Swindler entertaining,drop dead gorgeous,user
Rotten Randy size does matter
Dumbass chemistry thing, entertaining,loser,recently re-ranked

Middle


Good Dan hung like a horse but lost points due to being infrequent
Costa Rica guy
Mr K.
Mr K's brother-in-Law
2 biker guys
Asswipe Mark
Mr.Next
Newguy
The Weasel (Mark Harman look alike)
Countless un-named others
the 80's were pretty much a blur

Bottom 10


9 other guys who were unmemorable,
yet not as bad as Mr. Porsche

Mr. Porsche -goodlooking millionaire,wet noodle

The Hammer Story

The Lost Decade:
Jen & I had a NewYears Eve party. One of her friends brought this really drunk guy over who started fights and broke my kitchen window. I say "Get the hell out of my house" and he hits me. You don't hit a drunk crazy woman. I hit him with a hammer, shovel and a firepoker. Mr.Sta took the hammer away and showed him the door. He was my hero that night. Jennifer had to step over us later that night on the living room floor. I was known as the hammer lady for years after.