Finders Keepers, losers get fucked
My new neighbor Elvin thinks I'm hot. He works for the local newspaper. I worked there when I was nineteen or so for a few years. Got into lots of trouble. I use to redo captions on cartoons. The only one I can remember is the Family Circle kids fighting over a toy and I changed the caption to read "Finders Keepers, losers get fucked". I Xeroxed it on newsprint and put it in some of the salesmens papers that they got everyday on their desk in the morning so it looked like the real thing. Minutes of fun
This is a true story. Some jerk off was jerking off on the women's coats in the office. We all had to go to a meeting and our managers told us they had the police looking into it. Well being the comic in the office, I sent my friend Teresa a message over the computer system sounding like this weirdo under the personals column.
YOU MY DEAR ARE THE NEXT ONE TO RECEIVE THE RESULTS OF MY AFFECTION. FOR MANY TIMES I'VE LUSTED AFTER YOUR COAT IN HOPES OF TOUCHING IT. ONCE WHEN WE WERE IN THE ELEVATOR TOGETHER CROWDED, I RUBBED MYSELF CLOSER TO YOU THEN YOU LEFT SO QUICKLY, THE THRILL WAS GONE. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO STRIKE AND MY DEAR THE TIME WILL COME SOON.
SIGNED THE C.C. (COAT CREAMER)
To make a long story short... Teresa thought it was funny and sent it to someone else but neglected to delete it and it ended up in the newspaper the next day with my id on it so I get a call at 5:30am by one of the "higher ups" and was asked if I was forced to put the ad in. Evidently several people had called the police as it sounded slightly threating. We thought we would both be fired but they(the five managers who called us in on Monday) just yelled at us a little.
Someone is interested in you at Date.com
Dear "hag",
2 member(s) have indicated that they are interested in you. Try it now, your next date for
tonight may be waiting.
Location: Sandpoint, Idaho
thinking no chance in hell there buddy
Location: Renton, Washington
I vote for Softy - very cute - but he is too far away and I have the Ken Doll anyway.
I deleted my profile on Date.com:
Later kids,