Poo Rule
I ran out of toilet paper today. I never ever run out. Luckily, there was still some in the downstairs bathroom. When we were kids my Dad had a rule.
- You can always wash your hands.
I'm reading Genghis-jon's diary today. So far, funny.
There is a Cork and Keg Festival Nov. 21 I may go to with Miss KC from work. That would be a good place to hunt as it costs $40 to get in so you know most of them would think that spending $40 is nothing. Yup. I think I will be attending that function.
I have Nov 22 to Nov 30 off and no plans except I may go to Canada if the ski hill is open (not too likely) and to my sister Diana's on the 29th. I can't be around Diana and not have a good time. She is one hell of a partier.
I'm currently looking for a diet plan that lets you eat Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Anyone? Anyone at all.
Later kids,
spanky
Dear Mr. Bingoguy, I think you may just be lying to me but luckily for me other hogs at work have swallowed up the rest of the leftover Halloween candy so only icky candy is left over. I can stay away from that as long as I have spank.
The only diet plan I can offer is one where people can eat all the baby batter they want. Can lick the spoon too.
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Bingoguy
I thought that was a diet. The Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Diet. Yeah, I'm sure of it now.
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boardho
Why Mr.Spanky, how nice of you to offer your highly tasteful baby batter. Can you mail some to me perhaps? Or am I going to have to wait until I get to New York to taste the famous spank?
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Magic Whiskey
Stress Diet
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day:
Breakfast - I grapefruit, I slice whole-wheat toast, I cup of skim milk.
Lunch - Small portion of lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach, 1 cup of herbal tea, I Tim Tam.
Afternoon Tea - The rest of the packet of Tim Tams, I tub of Tip Top ice cream with chocolate topping, I jar of Nutella.
Dinner - 4 bottles of red wine, 2 loaves of garlic bread, I family size supreme pizza, 3 Snickers bars.
Late Night Snack - Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
Diet Rules
1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet Coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the chocolate is cancelled out by the diet Coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes does NOT count. (For example: hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake, vodka...)
5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.
6. Cinema-related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Minties, Maltesers, Jaffas and frozen Cokes.
7. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage.
8. Food licked from knives and spoons has no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.
9. Foods that are the same color have the same amount of fat. Examples are: spinach and peppermint ice cream, apples and red jelly snakes.
10. Chocolate is like a food-color wildcard and may be substituted for any other color.
11. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.
12. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (Oh, how fat likes to cling!)
Damn I hope this thing here doesn't have word limit. This cutting and pasting stuff is hard.
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boardho
No word limit needed....until NOW.
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